Friday, June 08, 2007

The Couch

I love our living room couches. This was the first set of furniture that Adam and I ever bought, and we have been pleased with our purchase since day one.

I have spent many hours on the main couch. Many evenings I have sat on the couch and read books, or watched a movie with Adam, or visited with friends or family. Since I went part time at work, I have spent many afternoons napping on this couch as well.

Today I laid on this couch in our living room and let my sweet daughter take a nap on my chest. She napped with me for over an hour. I began reflecting in wonder on this.

This is the same couch where I spent much time dreaming of being pregnant and having children, and crying in frustration (sometimes alone, sometimes with Adam, sometimes with friends) as we dealt with infertility. This is the same couch where my parents were sitting when we first told them we were pregnant with Zach. The same couch where I napped when pregnant with Zach, dreaming dreams of the little baby inside. This is the same couch where I spent hours agonizing and grieving over his death and trying to grasp what happened to my precious son. Where I sat furiously writing my thoughts to God in anger and anguish, where I tried to soothe my wounded heart listening to soft music, and where I spent hours watching people and cars go by through the window. Where I spent much time reading every book I could get my hands on that would minister to me. Where I was sitting when I thought I might be miscarrying after finding out I was pregnant last May. And it is the same couch where Adam was sitting when I told him the doctor's office had told me I was pregnant with Ivy last September (and where I freaked out, worrying that it was going to be another miscarriage).

And now, I am taking naps on this couch with my beautiful daughter. I can't believe she's here. I can't believe she's real. I can't believe she's mine. What a joy to share this couch with her.