Momentous week

I am entering into a momentous week, for two different reasons. One being that I have reached the third trimester with this baby (name to be announced soon), and am beginning to feel and experience hope and joy at having made it this far - even some belief that Adam and I actually will get to hold this little girl, and that she will be a part of our family on earth, not just in heaven. The other being that I am approaching the one year anniversary of the day we lost our baby son Zach - and all the memories that go along with that (many of them still very vivid). Try to imagine the conflicting emotions. I honestly have struggled with how to feel this week.

Adam asked me the other day if I felt like it had been an entire year since that tragic day. I said no, because for me, time stopped last March, and didn't really pick up again for several months. I don't really have the sensation of experiencing a full year. He felt the same way.

We are holding a small memorial for Zach out at the cemetery on Saturday, the day of the one year anniversary. We did not have a funeral last year, and very few have even seen the grave marker. Adam and I are anticipating this as being a very fitting and comforting way to spend the day, having those closest to us surround us in loving memory of our first born son. We were also blessed to have some friends offer to host a reception afterwards at their house. We truly have felt loved.