Glasses

I have been wearing my glasses (instead of my contacts) now for a year. I had just bought a good pair of glasses a few days before we lost Zach (ironically I had bought them to wear in the hospital - I just wasn't expecting to wear them so soon). After losing him, I felt this great urge to keep wearing them - even though I hadn't worn glasses since the 6th grade. After what I went through, I wanted to look different. I was not the same person anymore. As silly as it sounds, wearing my glasses was very meaningful to me. But it went beyond just how I looked. It also was a reminder of how much my vision of life had changed. You see, the theme of my blog since the very beginning has been "Reflections in the Mirror." At different times I have had different subtitles, such as "Things are not always as they seem" or the verse from I Corinthians 13 that says "Now we see but a poor reflection in the mirror" etc. The reason I chose this theme for my blog is because it has been a theme in my own life for the last 3-4 years now. Things have not been as they seem, and I have been discovering this through some rough life experiences. The strongest I have felt this theme has been in the last year, when I learned that I am not invicible and that life can be incredibly painful. And that God is not who I thought he was. I have seen so many things in the last 12 months that I could probably write a book someday. I dont mean to say that all these things I have seen are necessarily new and profound - some of them would probably sound very basic, others not so much so - but to me, they have all been incredibly significant and have shaped me into who I am today.

... And I have to say, as much as I would undo the tragedy that Adam and I have gone through IN A SECOND, I don't want go back to being who I was before, or seeing things the way I did before. You just can't go back. Both Adam and I feel this way. We have gained something unspeakable that will be with us always.

And so for now... I continue to wear my glasses.