A Lament for my son on his due date

Precious Baby, you stole my heart from the minute I knew of you.
Do you know how much you were wanted? Asked for? Cried for? Prayed for?
Do you know how much you were loved? How many people longed to meet you?
You were such an answer to prayer. Darling Baby! You were a gift to me.



Your presence gave me such hope, such joy.
Your daddy and I celebrated your life together.
Thoughts of your arrival were sweet and tender.
Preparations were underway for the big day!



I wondered what you were thinking.
What you would look like,
Who you would take after most.
My bulging belly reminded me that I would find out soon enough!



I was well past the time for common miscarriages: Little One, I knew we had made it.
I saw your picture, heard your heartbeat, felt your movement within my body.
You and I were very close and were always together; never separated.
Beautiful Baby, your daddy and I couldn't wait to meet you!



But we lost you! I gave birth to you, but it was not as I had dreamed.
You were violently ripped from my body, and your life was over before it began.
You were unable to live on your own, apart from me, your momma.
Little One, I am so sorry!



We buried you in the ground,
But you are not there!
Where you are, I cannot go in this life.
The knowledge brings such heaviness.



Sweet Baby - your absence has created a gaping hole in me!
Thought I physically never met you, yet I knew you,
And you changed my life forever.
Little Boy, I will never be the same again because of you!



What cruelty! What injustice! What horror!
Death has taken your life before you even took your first breath!
You deserved a lifetime on earth but this you were denied.
You have been taken from me, and oh! how I grieve for you.



Yet how can I begin to grieve for you when I never even met you?
I have so little left from your existence.
Not much to hold, to look at, to remind me of you.
Not much to show others or to let them see that you were mine.



Oh Baby! I never even got to hold you!
To kiss your forehead, to grasp your hand!
I never got to look you in the eyes
And tell you just how much I love you.



Instead of rocking you to sleep,
It is I who have been rocked -- rocked to the core of my very being!
I am your mother, but we are separated!
How can this be?! It is not right!



Little One, I will mourn you always.
You are a part of me that I have lost--
Things aren't right without you.
Our family will always feel incomplete.



Though I can't remain in this place of desolation forever,
Yet today I choose to remember you.
To love you, to mourn you,
To celebrate you.



Because, My Love, even though you have departed this world,
You are still my son. You have left your footprints on my heart!
And I am proud of your life, no matter how short it was.
YOU are a blessing and I love you.



In loving memory of my son, stillborn at 21 weeks on March 10, 2006